I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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