he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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