420 ftw
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
