I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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