apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I love having hate sex.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
