Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
