Ambien. No doubt about it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
