yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
