I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize