I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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