Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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