It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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