Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
