The maid of honor just puked.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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