I puked a lego.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
