Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I want to be your penis for a week.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
