the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
