lets start a swedish sibling band together
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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