Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
