this just has baby written all over it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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