walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize