Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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