I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
