Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
someone owes me an orgasm
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
