I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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