I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
