He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize