if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
