You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize