I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
