Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
