I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
