We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
