He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
