You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
