She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
