Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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