walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
