I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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