Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
