Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
