i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
