Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I smell like Dick and happiness
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
