I just cut my nipple shaving
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize