the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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