If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
