should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
