Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
