I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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