We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
