dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Randomize
