I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
