I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
