I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
