Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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