Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
