allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
