Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
