we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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