And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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