fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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