We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
