I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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