All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
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