I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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