i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
