That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I looked at my own cervix.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
