she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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