you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
